I SWEAR, I WILL TASE YOU...!!!!

First off, let me say that I could SO cut a bitch right now. I'm trying very hard to calm down, but it seems like today just ISN'T my day. (Also, as a side note, is TASE a verb, or do you say TASER, as in "She tasered me..." or she tased me?")

These are the events of the day. I got in bed fairly early last night and finished "Eat, Pray, Love" which I found to be a great read and an intriguing story. I shut off my light after a little solitaire action on my iPod and I proceeded to fall into a deep luxurious slumber...and then...

DUMDINGDADUMBABADABADUMWHNISDFHN:SDGIHSD;GOIHSGLOIDFGB;FLGIJN;DFGLJN;KGBIJDSG;K

...And I though I was having a nightmare. But no, it was coming from the floor below me. It was as if someone had decided to play friggin' Guns and Roses at 2:45 AM INTO my cochlea. If music could be administered intravenously, this was what it would feel like. But in a bad way. I tried to ignore it, but, alas, I could not. I got pissed when I looked at the clock and saw I only had 3 more hours to sleep until I had to get up and get ready for training at 8 at one of my newly acquired jobs. I went outside and determined that it was, in fact, coming from the floor below me, and interestingly enough, you could hardly hear it from outside. Yet, in my room, it was like a personal concert. So I thought about banging on the door but between the ear crackling noise and knock-proof grate screen door, I was pretty much out of luck. So I begrudgingly got up at 6:30 (after cursing at my cell phone and at my unknown neighbor/evil villain) and showered and got ready. Oh, but you bet your ass that while I wolfed down my cereal I composed a note both forceful and kind and taped it to my neighbor's door. It went something along the lines of this (what can I say, I have a way with words...)

To whom it may concern,

I was awoken early this morning around 3 AM to the sounds of extremely loud hard rock music coming from your apartment. I attempted to use ear plugs and move into a different room, but the music was so loud that I couldn't sleep. Is there any way that, in the future you could refrain from playing loud music at night and keep these habits to the daylight and waking hours? I understand wanting to absorb as much music as possible, whenever you can, as I am both a musician and a music lover myself. However, I think it is a little inconsiderate to play music so loud and so early. Thanks so much, I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Your tired upstairs neighbor

I was really very nice about the whole thing, I think. So you BET if this happens again I WILL bang on the door and file a noise complaint with both the POPO and the landlord. Because it's just not cool. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I started blasting Justin Bieber at 3 AM. Actually....that's not a bad way to get back at them if this happens again. I feel like Justin Bieber is a weapon to be used sparingly because it can have great power. And that power can have grave consequences if it falls into the wrong hands (Evil cackle).

Anyhow, so I get up and go to this job and they tell me that I was scheduled for 5 PM which was ENTIRELY inaccurate as I LITERALLY copied down 8-2 as the STORE MANAGER told me when to come in Monday. So there were 4 of us training, and somehow 2 of the people got to come in at 8:30 and the rest of them ALL got to leave an hour before me...WTF??? SERIOUSLY, UNIVERSE? If I hadn't HATED the training and the way I was being spoken to/treated MAYBE staying an extra hour wouldn't have been so bad. But it was. At the end of the day, I decided that if I'm GOING to have a third retail job at a clothing store, it's going to be at Express since I like the company, know the product and I'm great at the job. So I leave, and have to pay $14 for parking. Woo frickin' hoo. Of course then I have to get gas, and I'm watching the money drain from my accounts.

So I get home, and know I have a few hours to do laundry before I go see my friend Althea perform at the Viper Room. Oh, so I take all my stuff down to the laundry room but forget my sheets. So I grab them. I shove all my darks in the washing machine and put in detergent and put in my quarters and GUESS WHHAT? YUP. THE WASHING MACHINE ISN'T WORKING. AND YOU BET YOUR ASS I PRIED MY QUARTERS OUT OF THERE BECAUSE I'M TOO BROKE TO WASTE A DOLLAR.

So by then I'm beyond pissed. When I get angry like that, angry enough to punch the next person who even so much as LOOKS at me, it is better to just sympathize with me and hate the world together than try to rationalize everything because then I will just want to punch YOU in the face. So I decided to find a laundromat nearby after little help, and realized that was all fine and good but that I wouldn't have any reading material and I'd be BORED. So what's happening is I'm going to the library before the show, the show and then the laundromat because the show is at 8 and the laundromat closes at 11.

I got all dolled up, because usually lots of makeup and a cute outfit make me feel a LITTLE better. And I can't really say that it's working, but I'm going to take a few deep breaths and maybe do some sun salutations. Did I mention I spilled black eyeshadow ALL over my floor while trying to do my makeup? Let's see if I can make it through the rest of the night SANS another mini catastrophe. Oh me oh my. Alright, I'm going to get going.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a less stressful, more enjoyable day!!!

GAH!!

P.S. I forgot to add that the strap to my laundry bag broke as I was carrying it back up to my apartment. And, on the way to the show it took me 40 minutes to find street parking that wasn't 2 miles away.

BUT... Althea sang beautifully and the show was great. AND Elissa treated me and Eric to pizza afterwards which was basically the best ending to an awful day. And now I am having a single serve ice cream, and then literally going to bed after I wash this garish makeup off. Tomorrow AM, I'm driving to the laundromat early and while my laundry is going, I'm going to run. Then, I'm going to go home and shower, stop by the library and go to work! Tomorrow is going to be stellar.

WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA

Did you know that there legitimately IS a Hotel California here in LA? It is actually in Santa Monica; I drove by it the other day after my interview at this new French Bistro where I'm hoping that I will be working by Monday (please, please, PLEASE call tomorrow and tell me I got the job....I NEED to start making $$ hardcore!)

Right now I am eating dinner at 11:00 PM, even though I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach due to earlier Kit Kat bingeing. (At this point, I think if I even LOOK at a Kit Kat wrapper, I'll be praying to the porcelain god in no time). However, my sandwich is providing me with various nutrients that I didn't quite get with the chocolate and wafers earlier. I've taken several naps today, due to the fact that I (no lie) was up tossing and turning last night because I could NOT for the life of me quiet my mind. I was thinking about getting a job and possible cat names for cats that I don't even know if I will adopt. REALLY, LIZZ?? Do you think Anastacia and Princess Pignatelli are dumb cat names? I mean, yeah, they're a little dumb but I also think they are kinda cute. I wanted to go with Mary, Queen of Scots or something for one of the cats, but I feel like if I named a cat that I would have to deal with the fact that the cat would hate me as if it were a human and its name was Ijus Peed Myself or something along those lines. Or Steven Stevenson.

Regardless, I have been told that if I DO decide to adopt kittens, I will not only become a crazy cat lady but that I won't get a man because I'll just stay at home with the cats all the time and not want to meet any actual people. I don't know what I think about this. Part of me wants to say it isn't true, but maybe part of me IS really lonely, and I certainly don't want to limit my chances of finding great friends and relationships because hanging out with my cats is easier.

I hung out with two Berklee friends today at the La Brea Tar Pits....it is so weird. The tar literally bubbles up from under the Earth and archaeologists find tons of prehistoric fossils in them!! How cool?! My friends were joking with me about how they thought I was a lesbian since I didn't date very much in college. They were just kidding, but here's the thing: Yes, okay, duh I haven't dated that much in my short life so far. It's not that I'm not open to it, because of course I am. However, I've dated a mix of guys in the past, or TRIED to date a mix of guys in the past, and it is either one thing or another: I'm not really that attracted to them (Come ON, we've all had desperate moments every now and then), they are still in love with someone else, they are unavailable(emotionally or otherwise), they run away screaming in the other direction (still can't figure this one out and it bothers me) etc etc etc. Now I'm proud to say that for the first time in my life, since about six or so months ago, I'm okay being alone. I don't NEED to be chasing someone to feel okay about myself or feel that I have a purpose. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to have someone to crush on, but I'm finally actually okay being single. I don't think there's something wrong with me anymore because I've never had a legitimate boyfriend. The right person just hasn't come along. I've got high standards, sure, but I'm also very easy to please. In no way am I a diva or a golddigger. Sure, I'm a little high maintenance, but I can also be very low maintenance and at least I REALIZE that I'm not perfect, okay?? Sometimes I think I just see myself in this wholly unflattering light where I think no one could possibly love me between the fact that I have baggage and that I'm not the perfect supermodel specimen.

I have to start reminding myself that it is okay not to be perfect, and that I am very desirable despite my flaws, or maybe even BECAUSE of them. I've learned grace in times of tragedy and loss. I am TRYING to keep healthy despite not being able to afford a gym membership at this juncture and bingeing on Kit Kat bars (Seriously I don't know if I'll be eating chocolate for a while). Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I'm surprised at the girl I see there. She looks intelligent, attractive, poised, content and charming and I'm not always sure who she is and she got there. Why is it that we can take compliments from others but when we tell ourselves how wonderful we are we never listen?? I'm starting a new period of self-realization and strong self-worth. Fist pump, ladies, here's our new mantra... "I AM STRONG. I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM INTELLIGENT. I HAVE THE POWER IN MY HANDS. NO ONE CAN MAKE ME FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT MY CONSENT."

And that is our lesson for today. The letter was "S" for self-confidence and the number was 1, because let's face it, we all should be #1 in our own eyes.