Monday, March 3, 2014

Pimples

I tried to get creative with the title for today's post, people, but I figured I'd just get right down to business. What IS it about those pesky little pus-filled things that just makes me feel so irritated and usually just downright UGLY?!

But seriously. Maybe writing about pimples is stupid, but I feel like the issue is really bigger than that. For whatever reason, when I get a pimple I feel like the ugliest person that ever lived. I've been taking crap for my face ever since I was in high school and I've had my share of bad face days but I really thought the worst of it was behind me. Now mind you, I've never had bad acne. But I did, for a period of time, have pimples that would not relent and would come with lots of friends at a time. But I had a pretty long period of time where I'd get the occasional pimple but it was nothing to write home about. NOW for whatever reason, my freaking stress hormones have decided to wreak havoc on my poor little face. My chin is a battlefield and the rest of my face really isn't safe either. In the big scheme of things, acne isn't a big deal. It's a surface thing. It might seem shallow of me to even be discussing it. But when I get several pimples at once, it's all I can see when I look in the mirror. I don't see my big brown eyes, my usually pretty complexion, my nice smile or anything else. It's like someone took a picture and all the little pimples are in focus and everything else fades into the background. For some reason, when I break out, my self-confidence ends up in the toilet, and there's nothing I can do except wait out the war that's being waged on my face and hope to come out unscathed. So although my family roles their eyes when I ask if they would like to take up residence with the (bear with me, I'm exaggerating here) 1,000 pimples that live currently on my chin, they roll their eyes and start to get frustrated with me. But when I look in the mirror and all I can see are pimples, it takes me back to high school and feeling very unattractive. I get so in my head about it that when I feel that someone is admiring me I almost get embarrassed for them- like there's nothing about me that deserves a second look.

For the most part, I feel very blessed with the hands I've been dealt physically and mentally/emotionally/personality-wise. But there are always going to be those pressure points with me- pimples, legs that haven't been shaved, and frizzy/bad hair. Oh, and did I mention that my haircut makes me look kind of like a triangle-headed muppet? So that paired with the pimples and the fact that my ever-swollen healing ankle is now growing courser hair than usual is enough to make this girl crazy! Maybe you don't have these same pressure points but I'm sure there are things that get you going too.

I was trying on clothes today in the dressing room of Marshall's as part of my birthday present (I'm learning to stay on a budget...my mission was to find 3 tops and 2 pairs of pants for $100). I found a few things that were brightly colored (the snow and winter gloom are KILLING me right now and all I have here are black and drab colors right now!) and tried them on- for the first time in a lot of years I actually felt good about the way these things were fitting on my body. I still have a long way to go to get to my ultimate weight loss goal, but I've lost about 20 pounds and gained some muscle back and I was so excited that these brightly colored confections looked good on my frame. HOWEVER, only one of the tops was actually reasonably priced so I had to put back a Juicy Couture blouse, Michael Kors zipper tee and a pair of Lucky Brand jeans. Because even though it's Marshall's....it STILL wasnt' going to be below $100. So I had to put back the items that looked so good. Was I a little sad upon leaving the store? Of course. But I was also happy that I enjoyed putting clothes on my body again and I hope that continues. I had a moment, though (here's the tie-in) that I looked in the mirror, full-body and full-face and thought wow! Pimples and all, I look really pretty today. And that was a really great moment for me.

So I'll try to be not so hard on myself for each stupid little pimple that makes its way to the surface of my face (but could we be done now, please? All the stress from the last job and all the dirt from the Spartan race should be gone now, so if I could go back to normal, that would be awesome!) but with my crazy anxiety issues that I'm dealing with, it could be difficult. I'm working on those, too, but it's difficult. I have to make sure I do things that scare me a little every day so that the big things won't feel so scary and so I'll be making strides to combat my anxiety. I made myself a schedule today to cross some things off my music to-do list and although the anxiety still looms, I feel better that I've accomplished some things.

I apologize if this has felt like a big, rambling waste of time. But sometimes we all have to look inside and realize that a pimple doesn't have to crumble our entire sense of self. So here's to looking in the mirror and loving what we see, even if it isn't perfect...or even our version of perfect!

Lizz

Sunday, January 26, 2014

What's Worse? A Broken Heart or a Broken Ankle?

Okay, so I'm officially the worst blogger in the world. Can you really say that you have a blog if you only write, say....once a year? I don't think so. I enjoy doing this, and even though probably only two people read it, I'd like to utilize this outlet more often than I have in the past. Want some updates? Here goes nothing...

SPOILER ALERT! So I'm currently in NH dealing with a broken ankle. My boyfriend thought it would be a good idea sometime this past year to sign us up for the Spartan Sprint in Malibu. I don't know if any of you have done triathalons, mud runs, 5Ks, what have you, but this thing looked challenging but like a good milestone to have. The idea was to do this "towards the end of our weight loss journeys." Uh huh. Yeah, right. Of course, when it came right down to it, my boyfriend was out of town. There was the first problem. This obstacle course race was SO far out of my comfort zone I couldn't really imagine doing it by myself...yet I had already paid my $65 to do it and on the video there's a dude with no legs doing it...so with that in mind and my aunt's convincing I decided to say f*ck it and do it anyway. I had a few work friends who told me they'd do it, but you know how that always goes... if I've learned anything since becoming a real life adult, at the end of the day you can't truly count on anyone but yourself. So my hope was growing slim as the days were counting down to the race but one of my best friends, Sarah, decided to do it with me not even a week out! I was beyond excited. Now, at least I'd have someone laughing WITH me instead of AT me when I fell on my ass a bunch of times...or maybe still "AT" me anyway...

So Sarah and I get to Calabasas, CA at what felt like the ass crack of dawn (probably around 7) on Sunday, December 8th. It's freezing cold...like I seriously felt like I was in NH. Not cool, California, not cool. I was wearing a t-shirt and capri workout pants and Sarah wore short shorts. I knew we were at least going to have to tussle with some mud and I think Sarah regretted the shorts as soon as we left the car. We then got on a shuttle bus to get to the race in Malibu (about 20 minutes away), which was located right by the Biggest Loser Resort. We got our timing chips and bracelets and all that good stuff and signed some stupid waiver that said something along the lines of "THERE IS A VERY GOOD CHANCE YOU MAY DIE TODAY," which really should have been a sign right at the beginning. There was a small fire pit that Sarah and I huddled around along with a bunch of other freezing cold Californians until it was just about 9:00 AM, which was when our heat began. Of course we missed our heat but we waited in line for the 9:15 AM heat. Before you even START the race, there's a tall-ish wall you have to jump over. My heart leapt into my throat.  The little voice in my head was saying "Elizabeth, what the f*ck were you thinking? You're so NOT in shape enough for this, and you can't even jump over the stupid wall before the starting line of this godforsaken race!" However, I saw a woman put her foot on a piece of wood that attached the wall to the ground about halfway up and thought "Ahhh...well maybe I can do that too!" And I was successfully  able to get over the wall. The first part of the race is running uphill. If you aren't aware of how out of shape you are, you'll realize it once you are out of breath after, oh, not even a minute? Ha. And I thought the running would be the easy part (and perhaps it was). The first obstacle is a very large netting attached to the ground by metal. You go hand over hand, foot over foot and the hardest/scariest part is getting yourself over the top, especially if you're afraid of heights (like Sarah). There are a mixture of obstacles throughout the race, and if you can't do something you're supposed to do 30 burpees. If you don't know what a burpee is, then...maybe keep it that way. They were basically invented by the devil himself.

Anyway, so we were actually able to do most of the obstacles, even though we definitely needed some help from a few strong men (and one woman!) along the way. The most difficult obstacles (in my mind, anyway) were the monkey bars (very little upper arm strength coupled with a large body to haul). However, the strong woman I mentioned hoisted my fat ass up to the top of the monkey bars so I could place my legs over the top and use my hands and knees to propel me to the other side (NOT EASY. I NEEDED THIS WONDERFUL LADY'S CONSTANT ENCOURAGEMENT AND ALSO MY OWN MIND OVER MATTER TO MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE). Once I was finished with that obstacle, I felt SO accomplished. Granted, I did help, yet I was able to succeed. I was very proud of myself. Some of the more difficult obstacles included a wall with tiny blocks for your feet (caked with mud) which were so slippery I couldn't stay up. Also the most painful obstacle (Obviously except for the one I'm getting to where my injury happened) was the barbed wire crawl. Okay so crawling in mud isn't bad right? It's soft. It's cushiony. People use it for face masks. Great. But this sh*t wasn't just mud....it was muddy rocks. Under low barbed wire. For what felt like a mile. It was awful and I don't think one person left without scabby knees that day. Some even left missing some of the hair they started the day with. Blame the barbed wire. And the muddy rocks.

So as we're getting to the end, there's the part where you have to life a heavy rock-type object up with a rope and bring it down without splashing water. Of course we started with the men's weight one which was NOT happening. So we did the women's one, and even though you were supposed to do it as an individual, we did it together. So we bent the rules a few times. Who's going to be able to do 30 burpees several times and all the hard crap and not be crawling to the finish line? Not this girl! We did 5 burpees and called it a day when we couldn't do an obstacle, like the one where you pull yourself up a rope from a chest-deep pool of water and ring the bell at the top. Not strong enough for that yet. Then there was the spear-throwing. I'm sorry-I can catch a ball but I can't throw a spear. Nope. Not happening. Even if I WERE in tip top shape I'm STILL not sure I could throw a spear and have it stick in a bale of hay. Then the next obstacle we did was basically a few walls that you swim under and some water that you have to swim in. So once you get out of the water you're COMPLETELY drenched, muddy, dirty, slippery. The very last obstacle before the fire pit and the guys who hit you with large padded mallets is a tilted, slippery, muddy wall that you pull yourself up with a rope and then climb over the top. I pulled myself up almost to the top but wasn't strong enough to vault myself over. So I slid down. And I tried again (BIG MISTAKE- KNOW YOUR LIMITS, PEOPLE). Got myself almost to the top for a second time and held myself there, waiting for someone to help pull me over. Some dude finally was trying to help me but the two of us weren't strong enough to pull me over. So I slid down again, this time fast and furious and BLAM! Something cracked. And my leg went all wonky. And I made some sort of gutteral, animal moan-cry and that's when it was all over. I could SEE the finish line. It was probably not even 100 feet away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. A few medics lifted me to the side and two dudes helped me hobble over the finish line. At one point, I forgot my leg didnt work and I put some weight on it- don't know if I further injured myself then or not but not a good idea. They took me (DIRTY, HUNGRY, THIRSTY, FREEZING COLD) into the medic tent and my friend Sarah went to go get the car as they tried to "set" my ankle and put some ice on it. Sarah had to wait for the shuttle (10 mins) take the shuttle (20 mins) drive back (20 mins) and then we drove the 40 mins back to LA to go to Cedar's Sinai because I figured it would be closer to where I was staying. And I didn't want to take an ambulance, because I could already see the near future hospital bills adding up in my head.

So we get to the hospital, and thank god it probably didn't take even an hour for them to get me to a bed and give me some strong ass pain meds. While in the waiting room, my foot/ankle was starting to swell and the shock was starting wear off (PAIN, HERE WE COME!) so it was a good thing they were able to see me probably 10 minutes from when the pain started getting worse. The nurses and doctors and staff at Cedar's were all lovely...minus one nurse who came in to my room early in the morning, said nothing and started unbuttoning my gown to place sensors underneath and around my chest (EKG?). I sort of felt like I was in a bad movie. I mean, I left my modesty at the race, people...they cut off my shoes, I changed in the tent around other people...but not announcing yourself and what you're doing at a hospital? Weird. So I knew very shortly after seeing the ER doctor that I was going to need surgery...I had broken 3 bones in my ankle and dislocated it. I was hoping it was a sprain but had a feeling the sound it made when I fell was something else... I was joking with the staff and trying to keep the mood light. I sort of felt like...well, if this is what's happening, let's just do it and deal with what we have to deal with...there's no going back and "un-breaking" my ankle. So I stayed in the hospital for three days, had my surgery, peed in a bedpan (Nothing makes you feel 85 like wetting the bed while using a bedpan and using a walker), learned to use crutches, etc. Oh and one of the nurses had told me to take my "knickers" off pre-surgery so I did. When the surgical team went to flip me over to do my surgery (face down) the WHOLE room saw my bare ass. Thanks, nurse whatever-your-name-is. Everyone got a good laugh from that one.

My boyfriend was coming to spend the holidays with me later in the month, and he was able to change his ticket to come several weeks early and help me out while I was recuperating. He was a godsend, seriously. Because the truth is that anyone could have been paid to help me, but I wouldn't have trusted anyone else or felt as safe with anyone else helping me out. No girlfriend wants their boyfriend to have to help them wash their hair in the sink, or take a sponge bath or all the little things you normally do yourself when you AREN'T broken. But it was sort of out of my hands and he was so wonderful for helping me with everything. We wanted to have this nice break and instead he had to babysit me the whole time but I so appreciate him being there and changing his plans in a hearbeat for me.

I decided I'd go back to NH for the duration of my recuperation (That sounds like it could be a song from the 70s from Supertramp or something). Let me say that even though it's freaking cold here I think I've been needing some help for a while (besides the ankle) and I'm not sure I would have sought it out had I not needed to come home for further care. First of all, thank GOD for insurance because I would never, ever, ever have been able to pay the hospital bills myself. And I'm very glad my mom has agreed to help me with this process- not just the ankle rehab but I haven't been in a very good place for probably the last year plus. I've had a few jobs that have taken it all out of me and made me not a very nice person to be around. I've been pretty miserable and depressed for the last year and I apologize to anyone who got caught in the crossfire. I'm making changes in my life and learning to love myself again, which includes getting healthy, knowing when to get myself out of bad situations, regaining my self-esteem and self-worth, and doing the things I know are good for me. My mom's taken so many self-help books out of the library that I literally can't read them fast enough. I'm just learning what I can and taking small steps to reclaim my life. Breaking my ankle may have been the catalyst to all my issues coming to light, but many of them have been festering for a while and it was high time to take care of them. So even though I'd rather have NOT broken my ankle, I'm glad I have this time to un-break my heart, soul and mind. This is very difficult for me, but I need to find my way back to the person I was before I became angry at the world, depressed, unmotivated, etc.  I don't like change, but I'm learning to accept what I cannot change and deal with what I can and will change. Let the transformation begin!

xoxo

Lizz

Friday, October 26, 2012

ROCKIN' DOWN THE HIGHWAY

      Okay, LA people. What the heck is up with none of y'all being able to drive? Like, SERIOUSLY!

     On Wednesday, I was out running some errands around town and LITERALLY every boneheaded driving move that can be made WAS MADE BY THE DRIVERS AROUND ME! It's like, come on people, I understand that sometimes you make a mistake or you have poor judgment. But this was INSANITY. I literally was yelling at them in my car. Like...

-Homegirl is supposed to stop at her stop sign. I'm there first. She goes basically right through it, so good thing I'm a defensive driver.

-Dude finds a parking spot, but instead of slowing down and using his turn signal he just stops and then just starts turning into the spot. But, like let me in on this secret. What do LA people have against turn signals? What did a turn signal ever do to you?

-Man in a very large truck (most likely with a very small penis) is on my ass at every stop sign. Like, is it necessary for you to make me feel guilty about making more of a complete stop than most other people do? I'm not gonna sit there for 5 minutes, but let me at least show the stop sign some respect and slow down for it.

-Some idiot in a teeny tiny car is driving so fast, that when I make a right turn into his lane, he decides he can't wait two seconds for me to speed up and then weaves in and out of both lanes until he gets to the lights- which, may I add, I'm right behind him for all them.

-Amigo on the freeway decides he is going to change lanes a bit after I do, but he isn't paying attention and almost side-swipes me. No WONDER the freeways here freak me out! Blind spots and 5 lanes and people not paying attention!! I used my turn signal, you dumbass!

     At any moment in time, if you listened to a recording of me in the car by myself, I'd either be harmonizing along to the radio or calling some lady a dumb bitch for doing something stupid. I'll usually be like, "Oh, okay, honey, well if you don't want to stop, then you should just go right ahead then. Please." Oh and one more thing. Pedestrians? I don't care if you are homeless, 100 years old, on a bike, or walking in stilettos but GET THE EFF OUT OF THE ROAD IF YOU DON'T SEE THE LITTLE WHITE PERSON. Why you gotta make me miss my ENTIRE green light because you walk really slow and decided you'd just make a go for it whenever your little heart desired. Guess what? You got a little brain too. And it's not working for me. I'll give you the right of way most times. But I expect a little courtesy and respect too. You watch out for me, I'll watch out for you.

 I'm sorry, but this all just had to come out. I can't handle all the crazy sometimes! Especially with the crazy I deal with at my job! I'm in the market for a second job...I'm on the lookout for something like an administrative assistant position at a music company. Because I can't have the restaurant be my only source of income anymore...I'm not making as much money and I just can't remain the friendly, nice, caring person I know I am when these hoes are bringing me down on a constant basis.

L

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

Oh, hello there lost blog readers. If you're still out there, that is. 

    To give an update, I'm still at the same old job, still getting treated like the rug under peoples' dirty shoes, and still not making the money I could/should be making. Look, I get it. At the end of the day, its a job. But I'm kind of over it. I'd love to work at a music company, so I'm looking into that for January. In the meantime, I'm discovering ways to jump-start my career however odd or improbable they may seem. Gotta do something because living month to month was just NOT what I signed up for.

  Thank goodness for all the wonderful, fun and kind people in my life, because you keep me going. I've written a few new songs lately, which will be added to the list of "possibilities for the next record." The BF and I are seeing Toto tomorrow, which I'm SUPER pumped about. I thought they weren't touring anymore so when I heard on the radio they were going to be on Jack FM's "7th Show" I looked around online and found they were performing at a SoCal casino! I probably will be the youngest person in the room, but who cares? Getting to see your favorite bands is the coolest thing ever. Who knows if/when they will ever tour again? Steely Dan was so worth the $125. Toto will be awesome. Michael McDonald, Boz Scaggs, Mat Kearney, Maroon 5, Sia, etc. I hate spending money on concerts, because usually they aren't pre-planned into my budgets, but I LOVE going to concerts. There's nothing like live music...unless you have to stand all night and then I usually wish I were lying in bed listening to the recording. I'm sorry, but I just can't enjoy a concert standing up like I can enjoy one sitting down. You're able to relax and just let the music surround you.

  I recently read this book called "White Girl Problems" which wasn't what I was expecting but was an enjoyable fluff read all the same. My sister always says that I have "rich white girl problems" which of course is a problem in itself seeing as though I am not rich. At this juncture, actually, very far from it. I've been doing alright budgeting my money and whatnot, its just that I always want for things, which I guess is okay, but in this town it seems like everyone is all about instant gratification, and everyone just calls Dad and Grampy-pants for money and its all gravy. Look, I get it. That's awesome that you have some cushion there. And I know if something terrible were to happen, of course my family would help me out financially. But apart from bomb-ass birthday gifts, I don't want handouts. Yeah, it would be difficult for me to afford my contact lenses and health insurance at this point. But I wouldn't want to be so lax about my income/job/financial situation that I get fired left and right and always think/hope my family is going to pick up the pieces of MY mistakes. When do we start holding ourselves accountable for our own successes and our own failures?

  I've been participating in a monthly book club, which is really fun. Its a group of girls of varying tastes and intellect, which is cool. Each month is sort of a gossipfest/book club/potluck sort of deal, and I've been trying out new recipes each month which has been really fun. This month I made a Devil's Food Cake with Hazelnut Crunch from Bon Appetit. It was really good, although I would make some modifications if I decided to make it again. I think next month I'm going to make something savory. Our next book is Angela's Ashes. I've heard of it, but it was never something I particularly wanted to read. We'll see how it is!

   I've also gotten sick of gaining weight and not being able to fit into all the lovely things in my closet that I spent good money on. I've decided on Sundays, I'm going to make a meal plan for the week, and then I'll shop and prep stuff on Mondays, which I usually have off from work. So far, I've made Italian Wedding Soup with whole wheat orzo which is one of my fave soups, and i froze 4 little containers for the next week or so. I made Cilantro-Lime Chicken the other night and OH GEEZ. I don't even really LOVE chicken, but this was OH SO GOOD. Trying to eat more veggies, snack on healthier things, and not eat out/get fast food as much. Like almost never. I'd like to maybe do one night out to a decent restaurant a month, and then other than that, just make meals in. I didn't realize how much money I was spending on food outside the kitchen until last month, and it was crazy. Not only is it not good for my body, its not good for my bank account. So no more of that.

   Looking forward to taking my trips home for Turkey Day and then to the BF's home in December. Vacations are always nice, but I think these will be much needed and really good for us. 

   Definitely going to start blogging more again (its so therapeutic!) but in the meantime, keep an eye on my twitter and youtube to see what I'm to! Big shout-out to all of you who believe in me! Love you!

xL

twitter.com/lizzpotter
youtube.com/user/lizzpotter

Monday, April 2, 2012

THIS, THAT AND THE NEXT THING

I don't even know where to start. It has certainly been a while since I last tried to put some thoughts down.

Watching a certain singing show got me to thinking. I won't name any names or anything, but I may go off right now. TAKE COVER!

First off, like I just posted on twitter..."People. Weird and different are not always synonyms for good. Talent is talent. Weird and different are just weird and different." Not that weird and different aren't good sometimes, but come ON. Just because you sound like nobody else does not NECESSARILY mean that you are talented. EMOTION, PEOPLE. Emotion is a big deal. And actually being able to sing the notes in your song helps too. Look, I get it. If you are cute, people listen and pay attention. That's great. But ya gotta be able to look beyond that. Our industry needs some POWER. And that means REAL artists who can perform well but also sing their asses off. Also, just because you can run all over town and scream does not necessarily mean you are talented. Thank you, the few people in this world who tell it like it is.

ANYWAY onto other things. BF and I moved into a new apartment in February and although its not perfect, its what we need for the time being. Meanwhile, I'm still at a job that I'm not enthralled with. Some days, it takes everything I have not to have a freak-out. I have been booking gigs and preparing for my next career move. I'm getting off my ass and starting to make things happen for myself. I made a goal list starting with my end-game and moving backwards. I'm tackling the little things, and I'll work my way up to the big things. I've got a solo gig at Lola's on Wed. April 11 (Gotta figure out my set list- depends on what I feel comfortable playing myself!!) and a gig with my friends and co-worker Paul Haasch at Genghis Cohen on April 23 (AHHHH again gotta get a set list going and touch base with my musicians!) But I'm excited because I'm going to be performing again and working towards my goals. I've been eating healthier, will be eating even more healthier and I'm establishing a firmer gym schedule. I figure getting on a better schedule, eating healthy, going to the gym and making music will make me feel better and hate my current daily grind a little less.

Okay, more later. !!

Lizz




Thursday, August 18, 2011

WE GOTTA WORK IT OUT

What's up, party people?

It has been a WHILE. Sorry for the delay. Y'all know how much I like being on here! Anyway, an update. Still working at my job where I work my bum off for foreigners to leave me crap tips all day. Yay.

In other news, I have recently been given some information about possibly furthering my career, so I'm utilizing it and trying some new things. There are so many of my peers out there doing the things I WANT to be doing so I'm not going to hold back-I'm just going to do it!

Do you ever wish there were more hours in a day? I do, like, all the time. I mean, you wake up, you do the ish you gotta do and then you sleep. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Try and fit some fun things in. Make some money. Enjoy your life. Surround yourself with people you love. I am trying to save money but also trying to save sanity and therefore trying to work only 5 days a week if possible. I try to take an hour here to watch Rookie Blue (guilty pleasure, sorry) or an hour there to read Cosmo and find out about some stupid sex move that you KNOW they've printed in the last seven months' issues as well, but they move a few words around and all of a sudden missionary position just sounds SO newfangled and exciting!! Trying to make time for everything can be so exhausting. I've got a list in front of me right now and exactly none of the many cells in my body are moving to cross anything off. You ever add stuff to your list that you've already done just so you can cross it off and FEEL accomplished? It's okay, me too.

BF and I just started this ten week bootcamp Wednesday. We meet at 7:15 in a park in LA and basically don't stop moving for an hour. We do circuit training, a bunch of cardio bursts and different muscle workouts. Phew! Two days in and I'm exhausted but also feel like a creaky 80-year-old every time I try to stand. (Note to self:maybe try stretching for more than say, twenty seconds). She makes us do push-ups in the soggy ground. (BF goes to me: "You've got dirt all over you." Me:"No shit! I just spent a minute practically making love to this soggy ground!) We do a bunch of stuff, including racing each other in teams. (C'mon, just 'cuz I can still wear my high school cross country t-shirt doesn't mean I've been running marathons, people). We love us some walking lunges and did this thing yesterday called "fire quads." (We thought she said fire crotch; I was expecting something a little more interesting). Basically, you and your partner have a resistance band and one of you runs up the hill backward while the other pulls you by the resistance band. About as much fun as having a piece of chocolate cake taken away from you just as you got to take a bite. Actually, no worse. It's a good workout; better than I thought. I may or may not go to the gym after some days. We'll see. Maybe at night if I work a day shift. I would like to take the yoga and dance classes they offer, get some use out of the $50 I spend a month. I'm changing gyms in January and getting a total deal. No, I am. Because if you can't give me $30 a month or cheaper, I'll bring my slightly smaller ass somewhere else. I know working out in LA is like breathing, but jeez! We're all struggling actors/musicians/etc! Give us all a break! Also, a word to the wise:Don't join Gold's Gym unless they give you the price and amenities that you want. I pay $50, which is basically for all the classes even though they do have a bunch of equipment. No pool, no sauna, no steam room. They try and get you to buy personal training sessions while you're telling them you're paying off a credit card. They stare you down until you feel you can't leave without buying sessions. They give you all this crap about supplements when the fact of the matter is, you don't need 'em. Eat healthy and work out and you'll be good to go. You don't wanna be super jacked, right? Okay, then you don't need that shit. I WILL say that the manager at the gym I go to is super nice and is looking to rectify situations in which her employees maybe crossed a line, which is good. But apart from her and the guy that I signed up with, I think they're a bunch of a-holes looking to get you to spend all your money. So just don't.

Well, I'm going to attempt to cross a few things off my list. TTFN and Imma try to make this a regular thing! It's like therapy but cheaper.

-Lizz xoxo

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

FOLLOWING THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Hey, y'all...

I know it's been a while, and it is due in part to the fact that I am a fickle friend. To real people and to this internet blog. I always say I'll call; that I'll set up a date and then oops! Six weeks later, and I'm still nowhere closer to winning that friend of the year award. So first off, to all of you that I've neglected these last few months, know that it isn't personal. I'm trying to find balance in my life among financial struggles, trying to survive and falling in love.

AAAnd while we're on the topic, let's get something straight. Some people would say it's not wise to discuss one's personal life on a supposed work-centric forum. And if I were Katy Perry, I might agree with them. But, at least for now, I'm NOT her, and there are certainly no paparazzi banging on my door for the latest scandal involving me and my lovah. Plus, for me, my music life and my personal life have always been very much intertwined, so I may as well speak on the both of them.

Without going into too much detail, my boyfriend is wonderful and I am very much enjoying spending time with him and getting to know all the little things that make him who he is. I give credit to him, partially, for getting me out of my writing slump and helping me to see that there are certainly many things to live for. I had a period of bleak uncertainty after my father passed when I questioned everything and everyone and my writing was going nowhere. Being with my boyfriend offered me a new outlook on life and happiness. Also, getting back into the gym, meeting new people at work and learning to find the positive in each negative experience has helped goad me back into happy territory. I think since I've moved to LA I've learned a lot more about myself too, and I'm learning to be a grown-up. I certainly won't win an adult-of-the-year trophy either, but I'm getting there. It's all a learning process, which leads me to...

My new song. It's about my boyfriend, a major duh! if you couldn't figure THAT one out. So far, I'm getting great feedback. (Leave some of your own! It's called "...With You" and it's on my youtube channel). This song has been in the works for about a month, usually a bit longer than it takes me to get a song that I like where I want it to be. As an artist, it can be hard figuring out whether something you've created sounds good or great, and whether it will have appeal to anyone besides you. Sometimes you feel you can't quite find the right words, or capture the right emotions (or sometimes it takes six songs to get down everything you feel). Putting your creations out there is one of the most terrifying feelings in the world, REGARDLESS of whether you're Katy Perry and everyone knows who you are and is waiting for you to fail. Getting great positive feedback on this newest creation has lifted my confidence and enabled me to fear getting back out on the scene a lot less. I'm starting to plan writing sessions into my days, and I'm trying some different approaches. Whatever way it comes out, my followers and fans can always expect consistency from me: I tell it like it is. I don't smooth over the rough, and I don't dampen the joy at all.

So to anybody paying attention, watch out. Big things are coming for me, little by little, just you wait. Let's all try and find the happiness in each day and put it forward into the world.

Love you all!

Lizz