Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Being a perfectionist has never been easy. You know how they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff?" I've always sweated the small stuff so hard that if I WERE actually sweating, I would liken the perspiration to that which comes from a Bikram Yoga class, or sitting on a camel in the desert in 115+ degree heat. The good thing, though, is that as much as I believe in the quest for perfection, or rather, ultimate happiness, I also believe in perseverance, a word that I learned how to spell and define in third grade.

This is my process, and, you know, all artists have a process. I go after what I want, shyly at first, taking care not to step on any toes in the way. Then I get burned, even if ever so slightly. I cry a little, have a bitty "woe is me" pity party and then I 'pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again...' The next cycle of the process I attack what I want with increased ferocity, etc etc until I either get what I want or exhaust all possibilities trying. If I don't get what I want after all that I will usually need a grieving period to go through my stages which include listening to angry, bass-booming songs that give me enough adrenaline to be the next Million Dollar Baby, eating pizza and ice cream and crying a lot. And writing some songs. Okay, maybe "some" is an understatement. But regardless, I am usually able to revert back to my normal self after this process. I've done it with boys, jobs, opportunities, broken friendships and deaths. The whole death thing is the worst because it creeps up on you when you least expect it and, at least in my case, hits you hard for unexpected periods of time and you can't do crap except feel all the feelings and come to terms with your current situation.

What I'm trying to say is two things, I guess. Number one, even though my ballsy move-across-the-country life change is going a little differently than I had envisioned, I KNOW that SOMEHOW I will be okay. I'll find a more permanent living situation, a job that pays, and I will get to work on my craft, however it may transpire. Number two, dealing with my father's death is THE HARDEST thing I've ever done (and I imagine the hardest thing I'll ever have to do) and it has me feeling like a scarred, wounded, broken soul. I ask myself, as I lie in bed, deliciously spent and ready for sleep yet kept awake by thoughts of my father and how his death has affected every aspect of my life, will I ever be okay? I can't imagine someone wanting to love someone who will never be completely whole again. All I have to give is everything I have, but everything I have isn't what I had a year ago. (How's THAT for a tongue twister?)

Sometimes, I try to con my mind into believing that what I know to be the truth is a lie. I sit in the shower, eyes shut, telling myself that I'm somewhere else, and that my father is still alive. I know better, though, because even if I give in to my temporary illusion, the reality isn't far behind. I think often about how my life has changed since January and how few true friends I have left after the aftershock of my father's death among other things. I try to continue living my life as close to the same as possible, keeping my father's spirit in mind with the choices I make. I was JUST able this week to remove the picture of my mom, dad, brother and sister from my profile on facebook and replace it with me and a few friends. I still have his number in my phone, and even though the number is disconnected, I still can't bring myself to delete it. Whenever I watch Grey's Anatomy I always end up crying because somehow Patrick Dempsey reminds me of my dad and my heart wrenches a little bit whenever I see him on screen. This isn't meant to make anyone feel bad, or make anyone's heart hurt anymore. These are just words I needed to get out, good or bad.

There are a lot of things I am unsure of. For instance, why do I get an abundance of new pimples when I am trying out my low-maintenance/no-makeup phase? Is this a cruel joke? Why do I always seem to have an increased admiration for SNL's Jason Sudeikis when I'm not crushing on anyone? (Actually, I know that answer. It's because A) I am a creepy stalker and B) because I need SOMEONE to set my sights on, ya know?) Why do I leave New England for LA and EVERY DAY is overcast and rainy so far? Why did the real Matthew McConaughey and Ashton Kutcher just add me as a friend on Myspace (SO random, I know)? Why does it take me FOREVER to become motivated enough to get up and exercise in the morning when I KNOW it is good for me and it feels SO GOOD when I'm doing it?

Like I said, silly or not, there are many things which I am unsure of. My father's death and the events and circumstances surrounding it, of course. I questions many of my choices every day, but I'm just glad to know that at the end of the day, even though my emotions might get the better of me, I am comfortable with who I am. My moral compass is pointed in (mostly) the right direction, and I never worry that I'm going to end up blackout drunk in a ditch somewhere with some guy's name tattooed on my ass. Well, let's hope not, anyway.

Long story short, I have faith in myself. If I want something bad enough, I will make it happen. It may not be the way YOU would do it, and it might make you CRAZY that I do what I do the way I do it, but that's why it's me doing it and not you. I'm going to find an apartment, and a job, and I'm going to get my music thang up and running. To everyone that is looking out for me, thank you for all your support! I so appreciate it even though I might not tell you all the time.

By the way, a rap about Karen is still on the way...I just want to wait until I get my keyboard out again so the juices will start flowing! And believe me....it will be stellar.

Monday, October 11, 2010


So the last time we checked in I believe we were at the end of our day in Denver, CO. Exhausted from driving and shopping and Karen's constant sluttiness, we fell asleep early and slept well. We woke up at 4:15 on Saturday morning to begin our drive into Vegas, baby!! We knew it would be a long day but we made pretty decent time. Here are some highlights...

Heather was a crazypants head case at the beginning of the drive as we were driving at a high elevation at a steep grade in the pitch black between mountains in Colorado that morning. We drove through Vail, Aspen, and various other cities. It was crazy how cold it was in Colorado when we stopped for gas and coffee-I almost wished I had brought a winter jacket!! I'm sure I looked a hot mess that day anyway since my outfit consisted of a pink bandana headband, jeans, zipper-flower tank, black cardigan and Heather's green army-style jacket. I drove the second leg, which brought us through Utah-which, actually, was a beautiful state. Miles and miles and miles of the same surroundings in a car would drive anyone crazy, but the view was beautiful. There was such a stretch of no real towns that we sort of just drove at whatever speed we wanted however we wanted...I don't think my car enjoyed driving 85/90...but I sure did! No police officer in his/her right mind would EVER sit out there waiting for someone to speed...it could be DAYS before anyone came through!! For sure, the best part of Utah was the town called Beaver. Yes, Beaver, Utah, which the sign proclaimed was "MOUNTAINS OF FUN," and had "THE BEST TASTING WATER IN THE U.S.," and had "I LOVE BEAVER" T-shirts in the gift shop. I was actually surprised that Heather was the ONLY one doubled over laughing on the ground when she saw that. I guess Utahans love Beaver so much that not only do they have a town in honor of it, but there is a separate county as well. So much Beaver and so little time.

After leaving Beaver, we were hoping for an Ass, Utah, but alas that was not the case. We had stopped at a Subway for a quick lunch and, unfortunately, we all ended up with intense SHEETZ. Kristi said she noticed the kid who was making our sandwiches had wet hair at the nape of his neck an she told herself he was freshly showered. She said, "It's bad enough he was a ginger!!" I said they were probably checking him anally with a thermometer every hour because his fever had to have been about 104. Regardless, those sandwiches did NOT sit well and of course I had to be a glutton and order a footlong when a simple 6" would have sufficed. Instead, we had stomach daggers for a few hours while the bad sandwiches passed. Needless to say we will NOT be ordering 6"ers or footlongs for a VERY LONG TIME. At least not the sandwich kind.

We passed Salt Lake City and some other towns before crossing into Arizona for about fifteen minutes before entering Nevada! Arizona appeared to look a lot like Utah but was very picturesque as well. We finally got to Vegas around 5:30 PM, and went to go meet my aunt and cousins to say hi and get a key for my other aunt's place we were staying at. We rested for a bit, did some much needed laundry and took showers before having a FANTASTIC dinner at Bouchon in the Venetian, courtesy of Minder. It was SO GOOD. They literally treated us like kings; bringing over WICKED GOOD champagne and SHOTS OF TEQUILA. Kristi made me drink hers. Oh my. We had garnet yam puree soup which was the best soup any of us had ever had. They brought over a Bibb salad, a beet salad, a calamari salad and a beef carpaccio appetizer. There were steaks, fish, and chicken for dinner and I LITERALLY took three bites of my steak and it was awesome but I was so stuffed to the gills I couldn't handle it. And as much as we wanted to, none of us could order any dessert.

We then met up with some of Minder's friends who had gotten us a table at the night club Tao at the Venetian. Let's just put some stuff on the table here. Normally, at Tao, you have to wait in line before they let you in. Then, if you want a table, you have to have reserved it, and get this: a table means you pay for a bottle (of booze) which is $425. Yes, you heard me. A normal bottle of something like Ketel One might retail for between 30 and 50 bucks and these crazypants people pay over $400. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??? Especially since the club is cool, don't get me wrong, but no normal person should have to pay $425 to get laid. It's just wrong. But they do it! And they do it with a smile on their faces! More than once a week! If I were going to spend $425 on something foolish, it would have to have a red bottom and be sold at Barney's in the shoe department. If I want to get drunk and sleep with a loser, I can just hit up a liquor store and stand on a street corner. There was so much beaver we saw that Kristi decided instead of "The City of Sin," Vegas should be "The City Where Beaver Is Boss." I kinda have to agree. Some 50-year-old lady in the bathroom was wearing a dress so short that when she raised her arms around her head to proclaim that she wasn't wearing any panties because she peed on them, her beaver was out for the world to see. There were beavers being grabbed all over the club, and beavers coming out of their dams because I guess wearing underwear is simply a suggestion, not an obligation. One of Minder's friends left me with this random guy because she wanted him to buy us (her) drinks but then didn't want to stay and talk to him, and some random guy came over and was talking to me. Oh, and quite possibly the best part? Some guy asked Kristi whether she wanted him to sneeze in her mouth. I mean, of all the weird fetishes to have....REALLY?!?!? The highlight of the night was surely Bouchon, and I DID win $30 at a stupid slot machine. Put in $20, won $50. I play the idiot games because there's no thinking involved and it's an easy win and an easy loss. Plus, it's a workout for my fingers to press the buttons.

We got home at 3:00 AM. My aunt was SUCH a trooper, as were Heather and Kristi. I'M not even out til 3:00 hardly EVER. I am SUCH a homebody. I can't do the club scene that often- it just exhausts me and usually makes me feel like shit because I'm just not one of those girls who likes to rub herself all over someone just to get my rocks off. Thanks, but I'd rather just dance. We got between 3 and 5 hours of sleep before we got up at 8 to leave for LA. We had heard that traffic between the two cities was sometimes brutal on Sundays, especially on holiday weekends, so we wanted to get a head start. It took us only about 4.5 hours to get there, and we spent some extra time driving Pacific Coast Highway from Santa Monica until we got to Kristi's sister's house in Westlake Village. Traffic wasn't too bad, actually, and we hung out by the pool for a little bit because we were SO OVER driving and ready for some R&R. We took naps, and later Heather and I got BBQ at Baby Blues BBQ in Hollywood but not before Karen took us down an alley to get to our destination and we saw a dead/passed out man in the street in front of a truck. Lovely. And, as we were walking to dinner, a black man called out to me, calling me a Jewish American Princess and (I'm sure) talking about my bootyliciousness. Heather of course freaked out, but I had to explain to her that in Boston, that sort of thing was a weekly occurence. I can't help it that I've got junk in my trunk! Or maybe I can...but at least for right now this ass isn't getting any smaller...

Heather didn't feel well so we took our food to go. It was actually good BBQ but we weren't very impressed with the cornbread. I slept a full eight hours and let me tell you, it felt SO GOOD. Today, we went to see the stars on the sidewalk by the Chinese Theatre and we walked around Venice Beach. We came back and Kristi and Heather re-concocted a few previous supper club recipes including the corn with the feta cheese which I LOVED the first time and it was really good this time too. They have to be at the airport early tomorrow and I'm driving, so I'm going to try and get a good night's sleep again tonight to be well rested for some apartment hunting tomorrow! I'm going to keep the blog going about my trials and tribulations here in LA past the road trip, so be sure to check back now and then to keep up with what's going on with me! Thanks for reading!

Friday, October 8, 2010


Okay, so to start off, here are the pics from yesterday above...as well as the ones from today. Video is down below. Please watch them in their entirety, as they are freaking hilarious. Or at least we think so.

And then for today. We actually left Lincoln right on time- around 8 AM. We grabbed a little Panera for the road and then started back out on the world's flattest interstate with the world's most boring scenery. There were no more Kum & Gos, but we found various other gems along the way that I think are best just described via picture, really. We stopped at Penny's Diner in North Platte, Nebraska today and we got burgers and pie. Kristi said the cherry pie was the worst she ever had and it tasted like dish soap. We put the half eaten plate in front of Karen to make it look like she didn't like it and that's why we left it half-eaten.

Today went basically according to schedule and it wasn't a bad drive. We hit a bitty thunderstorm as Heather's palms were sweating and she was freaking out about being sucked into a tornado funnel like Dorothy and Toto. It was very Eeyore-esque; for five minutes you'd be in cloudless blue sky and then for another five you'd have a huge thundercloud hanging over your head, and ample lightning.

We were feeling a bit uncomfortable after the 8-hour plus ride so we got out to walk across the street to the Holiday Inn for dinner, passing the infamous bar with the titty shows on the side. Dinner was eh, but what do you expect from the Holiday Inn I guess? There was a quinceanera going on the hotel, with a bunch of preteen girls dressed like strippers with Snooki hair. We decided that we are going to open up a restaurant called Elbow, which will serve many options of macaroni and macaroni only. And maybe some pie too. Coconut Creme and other tasty kinds. That won't taste like dish soap.

On our way to the Super Target across the street from our hotel room, we came across a bunny and a store called Fantasties which sold stripper heels and sexy Halloween costumes and frilly panties. Karen got her freak on and tried on some stuff. She was still pissed we didn't stop at the Lion's Den yesterday for her adult videos. After Fantasties we went to Target and had a great time- we made a little ode to Britney Spears and all things schoolgirl trash charm.

Back at the hotel, we jumped into the hot tub which felt amazing. And now we are hitting the hay EARLY so we can wake up at 4:15 tomorrow to be in Vegas in time to rest for a bit, shower and PARTYYYYYY!!!!