Some examples of the chaos I've been dealing with lately:
A woman is talking loudly on her cell phone in Spanish and asking me to help her out in Spanglish, all the while I can't get her attention and I can't really tell if she's talking to me or the person on the other line. She expects me to help her while she's on her phone.
A man answers to the name Nathalie, party of 4 while on the phone but once I've brought him and his girlfriend over to their table, I asked, "So, you're expecting two more?" And of course they say no. I ask, "You're not Nathalie party of 4?" And so the girlfriend rolls her eyes at the idiot guy and says, "Baby, why did you answer to Nathalie? I'm so sorry. Put the phone down!" See? If women ran the world...
It starts to get really windy outside, and of course no one wants to sit outside. I take a man, his pregnant wife, and their small daughter out to the terrace, and they say they want to sit inside. I tell them, like I've been coached, that it will be at least 15 minutes for a table inside. They sit down at a random table inside and I tell them that unfortunately we're saving that particular table, and that I need them to follow me back to the front desk. They start bitching at me, getting seriously pissed off, saying, "But we have a small daughter! I'm pregnant!" As if those are two things I wouldn't have noticed. If she'd said "But I have a small mole on my foot! I've got turberculosis!" Those may have been two things I would NOT have noticed right away. Thanks, Captain Obvious. So I tell them I'll grab a manager to explain the situation, apologizing profusely the whole time and trying very hard not to scream and wring this woman's neck. SO then I talk to my manager and he tells me it's not worth fighting with them, so I should just leave them there. So now I look like a HUGE ASSHOLE not only for arguing with a pregnant woman but also for telling them no and then my boss telling them yes.
Several ladies come in on Christmas Eve Day, and ask for 3 dozen vegan cupcakes, and are more than a little offput by the fact that it takes an additional 5 MINTUES to frost that number for them. They didn't call ahead or anything, they just came in and expected us to have that number of VEGAN cupcakes.
I seat this man and woman at a (I'll admit, rather small) table and they immediately start bitching at me that they want a booth (a commodity they did NOT ask for when they put their name in). So I tell them it may be at least 15 minutes, and that they will need to follow me back up to the front desk, because we need the table they are at for another party. So they don't really tell me what they want, but continue to sit there. They decide to just take the next booth that opens up, even though we never told them they could and they never told us that they indeed wanted to move. We have to tell them that unfortunately, they can't just take any table they damn well please. It would be a freaking mess if that's the way we ran things. Duh.
A man and a woman are led outside to a table, but they wish to sit inside. I tell them to follow me back up to the front desk so I can get them a table inside. The man decides to sit at a high top table, which are self-seating. Ten minutes later, the woman is still sitting outside, and the man is at the high top table. Both have ordered drinks and have no fucking clue that the other is at a different table. Talk about bad communication.
And I could literally go on for days and days but I don't have the physical capacity to re-live all these events. So go ahead, yuck it up, and just be glad if you haven't suffered through HALF of these experiences.
xoxo
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