Monday, October 11, 2010


So the last time we checked in I believe we were at the end of our day in Denver, CO. Exhausted from driving and shopping and Karen's constant sluttiness, we fell asleep early and slept well. We woke up at 4:15 on Saturday morning to begin our drive into Vegas, baby!! We knew it would be a long day but we made pretty decent time. Here are some highlights...

Heather was a crazypants head case at the beginning of the drive as we were driving at a high elevation at a steep grade in the pitch black between mountains in Colorado that morning. We drove through Vail, Aspen, and various other cities. It was crazy how cold it was in Colorado when we stopped for gas and coffee-I almost wished I had brought a winter jacket!! I'm sure I looked a hot mess that day anyway since my outfit consisted of a pink bandana headband, jeans, zipper-flower tank, black cardigan and Heather's green army-style jacket. I drove the second leg, which brought us through Utah-which, actually, was a beautiful state. Miles and miles and miles of the same surroundings in a car would drive anyone crazy, but the view was beautiful. There was such a stretch of no real towns that we sort of just drove at whatever speed we wanted however we wanted...I don't think my car enjoyed driving 85/90...but I sure did! No police officer in his/her right mind would EVER sit out there waiting for someone to could be DAYS before anyone came through!! For sure, the best part of Utah was the town called Beaver. Yes, Beaver, Utah, which the sign proclaimed was "MOUNTAINS OF FUN," and had "THE BEST TASTING WATER IN THE U.S.," and had "I LOVE BEAVER" T-shirts in the gift shop. I was actually surprised that Heather was the ONLY one doubled over laughing on the ground when she saw that. I guess Utahans love Beaver so much that not only do they have a town in honor of it, but there is a separate county as well. So much Beaver and so little time.

After leaving Beaver, we were hoping for an Ass, Utah, but alas that was not the case. We had stopped at a Subway for a quick lunch and, unfortunately, we all ended up with intense SHEETZ. Kristi said she noticed the kid who was making our sandwiches had wet hair at the nape of his neck an she told herself he was freshly showered. She said, "It's bad enough he was a ginger!!" I said they were probably checking him anally with a thermometer every hour because his fever had to have been about 104. Regardless, those sandwiches did NOT sit well and of course I had to be a glutton and order a footlong when a simple 6" would have sufficed. Instead, we had stomach daggers for a few hours while the bad sandwiches passed. Needless to say we will NOT be ordering 6"ers or footlongs for a VERY LONG TIME. At least not the sandwich kind.

We passed Salt Lake City and some other towns before crossing into Arizona for about fifteen minutes before entering Nevada! Arizona appeared to look a lot like Utah but was very picturesque as well. We finally got to Vegas around 5:30 PM, and went to go meet my aunt and cousins to say hi and get a key for my other aunt's place we were staying at. We rested for a bit, did some much needed laundry and took showers before having a FANTASTIC dinner at Bouchon in the Venetian, courtesy of Minder. It was SO GOOD. They literally treated us like kings; bringing over WICKED GOOD champagne and SHOTS OF TEQUILA. Kristi made me drink hers. Oh my. We had garnet yam puree soup which was the best soup any of us had ever had. They brought over a Bibb salad, a beet salad, a calamari salad and a beef carpaccio appetizer. There were steaks, fish, and chicken for dinner and I LITERALLY took three bites of my steak and it was awesome but I was so stuffed to the gills I couldn't handle it. And as much as we wanted to, none of us could order any dessert.

We then met up with some of Minder's friends who had gotten us a table at the night club Tao at the Venetian. Let's just put some stuff on the table here. Normally, at Tao, you have to wait in line before they let you in. Then, if you want a table, you have to have reserved it, and get this: a table means you pay for a bottle (of booze) which is $425. Yes, you heard me. A normal bottle of something like Ketel One might retail for between 30 and 50 bucks and these crazypants people pay over $400. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??? Especially since the club is cool, don't get me wrong, but no normal person should have to pay $425 to get laid. It's just wrong. But they do it! And they do it with a smile on their faces! More than once a week! If I were going to spend $425 on something foolish, it would have to have a red bottom and be sold at Barney's in the shoe department. If I want to get drunk and sleep with a loser, I can just hit up a liquor store and stand on a street corner. There was so much beaver we saw that Kristi decided instead of "The City of Sin," Vegas should be "The City Where Beaver Is Boss." I kinda have to agree. Some 50-year-old lady in the bathroom was wearing a dress so short that when she raised her arms around her head to proclaim that she wasn't wearing any panties because she peed on them, her beaver was out for the world to see. There were beavers being grabbed all over the club, and beavers coming out of their dams because I guess wearing underwear is simply a suggestion, not an obligation. One of Minder's friends left me with this random guy because she wanted him to buy us (her) drinks but then didn't want to stay and talk to him, and some random guy came over and was talking to me. Oh, and quite possibly the best part? Some guy asked Kristi whether she wanted him to sneeze in her mouth. I mean, of all the weird fetishes to have....REALLY?!?!? The highlight of the night was surely Bouchon, and I DID win $30 at a stupid slot machine. Put in $20, won $50. I play the idiot games because there's no thinking involved and it's an easy win and an easy loss. Plus, it's a workout for my fingers to press the buttons.

We got home at 3:00 AM. My aunt was SUCH a trooper, as were Heather and Kristi. I'M not even out til 3:00 hardly EVER. I am SUCH a homebody. I can't do the club scene that often- it just exhausts me and usually makes me feel like shit because I'm just not one of those girls who likes to rub herself all over someone just to get my rocks off. Thanks, but I'd rather just dance. We got between 3 and 5 hours of sleep before we got up at 8 to leave for LA. We had heard that traffic between the two cities was sometimes brutal on Sundays, especially on holiday weekends, so we wanted to get a head start. It took us only about 4.5 hours to get there, and we spent some extra time driving Pacific Coast Highway from Santa Monica until we got to Kristi's sister's house in Westlake Village. Traffic wasn't too bad, actually, and we hung out by the pool for a little bit because we were SO OVER driving and ready for some R&R. We took naps, and later Heather and I got BBQ at Baby Blues BBQ in Hollywood but not before Karen took us down an alley to get to our destination and we saw a dead/passed out man in the street in front of a truck. Lovely. And, as we were walking to dinner, a black man called out to me, calling me a Jewish American Princess and (I'm sure) talking about my bootyliciousness. Heather of course freaked out, but I had to explain to her that in Boston, that sort of thing was a weekly occurence. I can't help it that I've got junk in my trunk! Or maybe I can...but at least for right now this ass isn't getting any smaller...

Heather didn't feel well so we took our food to go. It was actually good BBQ but we weren't very impressed with the cornbread. I slept a full eight hours and let me tell you, it felt SO GOOD. Today, we went to see the stars on the sidewalk by the Chinese Theatre and we walked around Venice Beach. We came back and Kristi and Heather re-concocted a few previous supper club recipes including the corn with the feta cheese which I LOVED the first time and it was really good this time too. They have to be at the airport early tomorrow and I'm driving, so I'm going to try and get a good night's sleep again tonight to be well rested for some apartment hunting tomorrow! I'm going to keep the blog going about my trials and tribulations here in LA past the road trip, so be sure to check back now and then to keep up with what's going on with me! Thanks for reading!

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