Wednesday, October 6, 2010

KAREN, YOU ARE A F*CKING BITCH!!













Okay, so let's just start off by saying that today was FRICKING LONGGGGGG. I think the number of G's on that sums up just about how exhausted we are right now. Like, seriously.

So after none of us slept very well, we woke up at 4/4:30 and sat around for a while before trying to re-pack the huge ass bag on the top of the car. It took us til 6:30 to finally get on the road after sweating the cargo bag all around the freaking roof. I hadn't felt well all night long after tossing and turning and and whatnot, and guess who puked within the first hour outside of Jersey? Oh, that's right. ME!! I WOULD. In a Whole Foods bag, no less, as I figured with the wind blowing the way it was, the chunks would surely end up in Heather's hair and I did NOT want to be the black sheep of this leg of the car ride, no thanks. So thanks to my nausea, we stopped at a gas station and rest stop for the first of about 152 stops that we'd take all day, including a stop to the Super Wal Mart for new windshield wiper blades since mine sucked. Well, whaddaya want from me (us)? We drink and don't feel well and like to whine. We're women. Get over it.

We stopped at a place in Pennsylvania called Clearfield or something around noon, at the only place to eat in town called Ethan's Cafe. We decided it sufficed for our lunchtime hunger pains, but we voted that it was just "vanilla." We did minestrone soups, grilled cheese, chicken sandwich and ham club. After Ethan's, which, by the way, had one waitress working two rooms by herself after tons of churchgoers came in, we headed next door to the connected Angry Bean for some road java. This was, of course, after a woman walked in on me in the bathroom with my pants around my ankles. You know what, though? It didn't even phase me. But the point is that the Angry Bean made a WICKED (I know, I will stick out like sore thumb on the West Coast using this word) Almond Joy latte. Kristi and I indulged and it was the perfect little treat. We then go outside to our car JUST as we see a little non-meter maid like lady leave a TICKET on the car. For a dollar. And it wasn't even state issued. Like, we aren't even sure if it's legit. Are we not even cool enough to merit a LEGITIMATE ticket? I didn't even know they GAVE dollar tickets. WTF???

Anyway, so it took us a wee bit longer than we thought to get from Jersey to Cleveland (we got to the Cleve at around 4:15 PM, only to find out that our point of interest, the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, was only open til 5:30). But we cut our losses and saw the most we could of the museum, which was pretty cool. I have decided that instead of wanting a nickname like The Situation, I want to be The EDGE. Oh wait. I think that's already taken. How about THE PHENOM? Or THE ONE?

We stopped at the Great Lakes Brewing Company for dinner, and tried one of their pilsners and had some grub. Kristi was concerned since everyone in the town seemed to be staring/whistling/etc. I think they've just never seen three fine ladies with a car packed so full in their lives. Or maybe we all just looked a mess. It could be a combination. But we got BACK in the car for the last 5 hour leg of our journey from Cleveland to Chicago. And we ran over a freaking big ass tarp thing that made our car smell like butt and FREAKED Heather out. Then we went and got air in the tires just to be on the safe side. Geez Louise! You'd have thought the GPS would have warned us!! Let me tell you, our GPS lady, Karen, was not making our lives any easier. At first, you know, we thought she was really cool and she knew a lot even though her voice was sort of monotone and she was a little annoying. But as we traveled with her for a whole day, we soon discovered how much of a little whore bitch she is. Karen will only tell you what to do when it is convenient for her. And sometimes she likes to play this little game where she tells you directions JUST BARELY in time. She likes to f*ck with you, and we aren't really down with that. We made Karen sleep with Kristi, but we told her she'd get the cot if she didn't behave better tomorrow. In fact, we told her we are gonna bring her in to Uncle Ron's bar in Lincoln, NE tomorrow and while we ride mechanical bulls and get our drank on, she is going to be getting herself set straight by Ron and his big burly friends.

I'm paying $13.68 for this internet service right now, so you all better be LOVING these updates. Karen, Kristi, Heather and I are going to go to sleep soon so hugs and kisses and we will talk again tomorrow after exploring Chi Town a bit and heading off to Lincoln!!

-Lizz

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1 comment:

  1. Great stuff! Enjoying the read! looking forward to seeing everyone!

    Devin

    ReplyDelete